If it is taking you longer to get pregnant than you expected, it would be a natural thing feeling disappointed because building a family and becoming a parent are fundamental parts of life, so when they don’t come easily, it’s common to feel as if something is wrong with you. It is usually practical to accept that pregnancy doesn’t always happen as expected.
If you’ve been trying for more than a year, you might want to consider your options. The first step may be to visit a fertility expert because, quite often, many such problems are quite easy to treat, so you could end up sparing yourself a lot of further disappointment by identifying any problem quickly.
Instead of berating yourself, look forward to how you and your partner are going to manage the situation. When you start feeling like you “should have” or “could have” done things differently, remind yourself that infertility is not your fault. Even if you could have made different decisions in the past, they’re behind you now.
Look forward. Get educated. Read and ask questions. Ask questions and even more questions. This is solid advice when you are facing any problem, but it’s especially important when dealing with infertility because the technology is complicated and changes so quickly.
You need to understand what’s happening medically so that you can make informed choices. By implication, you need to work as a team with your partner. Don’t give in to the temptation to blame each other, instead, help each other. This doesn’t mean you need to feel the same thing at the same time, but it does mean paying attention to what your partner is going through. If you’re taking care of each other emotionally, you can unite to fight the problem.
Many women are only able to bear all the treatments they go through because their husbands stand by them all the way. The same thing works out conversely.Practical issues can also help you work with, not against, each other.
Work together and find ways to share the burden. If certain gatherings or celebrations are too painful for you, give yourself permission to avoid them when you’re having a particularly tough time. If there is an occasion you just can’t avoid, arrive late or leave early. In view of the fact that society often fails to recognize the grief caused by infertility, those affected tend to hide how they feel, which only leads to feelings of shame and isolation.
A good first step is to recognize that infertility is a crisis and probably one of the most difficult things you’ll ever face. It can call into question the most basic expectations you have for yourself, your body, and your relationship.
Acknowledging this is key to coping. It’s normal to feel a monumental sense of loss, to feel stressed, sad, or overwhelmed. You mustn’t give yourself a hard time for feeling these things and allowing yourself to feel these powerful emotions can help move beyond them.
People who are successful in their careers can have a particularly difficult time dealing with the loss of control that comes with not being able to conceive. If you’ve planned everything else in your life successfully and suddenly you aren’t able to have a child, it can be very hard.
When faced with infertility, it’s quite normal to blame yourself. But you do not need to blame yourself. You may have doubts. Self-doubt is common, but most fertility experts know that when people get caught in negative patterns of thinking it only makes things worse.
It could be helpful to find other people who are going through the same thing, or talking to people who work in the field of infertility, can help you see that you are not alone. Talk to each other and to others. Women undergoing IVF who openly discuss their emotions have a higher pregnancy rate than those who don’t.
Of course you can’t go on with treatments forever, so you need to know when to start and when to stop. One woman confessed, after several years of fruitless attempts, that when her husband came home and said he’d made an appointment to see a social worker to discuss adoption, she felt relieved and “an incredible peace of mind, because she felt one way or another they would become parents.”
Some people choose to adopt after being diagnosed with unexplained infertility. Naturally, before embarking on assisted reproduction treatment for infertility, you need to decide just how much you’re willing to pay. This is a wise step because infertility treatment can be an expensive business.
Couples in which the woman is aged 23 to 39, and who have been trying for a baby for two years, may need to dip deeply into their life savings since there is virtually little or nothing by way of existing health insurance offering help for infertile couples.
For those who decide to seek treatment privately, as many couples often do, it is important to always ask in advance what the full cost of each treatment cycle is likely to be. Look for the hidden costs of taking time off work and travel expenses – you may need to make many journeys to the clinic.
Once you know how much your treatment is likely to cost, agree with your partner how much money you are prepared to spend in total. If your first round of treatment does not work, could you afford another? Having a baby may be a priceless gift, but pushing yourselves into financial logjam would only add to the stresses you already face.
A good advice is to take care of yourself by pursuing other interests. While being treated for infertility can feel like a full- or at least part-time job, it’s important to keep up with some of the activities or hobbies that bring you pleasure. It won’t be easy, it won’t be cheap, but it would be worthwhile. And that is the ultimate.